Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Sex in the backyard? Check.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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