i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Holy sore nipples Batman
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Randomize
