Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
