I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
