Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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