I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
