We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
