brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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