She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
