At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
