I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
