he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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