so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
