What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
