What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
