i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
