I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
