My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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