Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
