He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
We just shotgunned beers for America
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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