He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
