Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
