if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
