Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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