I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
