This girl is more easily done than said...
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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