Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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