no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
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