Don't make out with my wife yet
Apparently you make a good broom.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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