I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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