the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
My vagina just clenched in fear
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
