Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
