you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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