So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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