was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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