Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
