i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
