Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
