New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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