1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
