hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I need moral support for this bender
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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