haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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