Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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