dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
he just fucked me for my cheese..
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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