she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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