For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
