I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
