Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
whose ass print is on the piano?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
