every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
