don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
