dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
