I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
