i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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