ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Acid is not a monday night drug
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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