My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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