my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
