There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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