Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
