Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Its about making memories worth repressing
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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