I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
