You don't have asthma, your pregnant
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
