Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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