you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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