he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
