I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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