when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
