turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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