with your own penis?
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
