At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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