she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
