You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
True but thats because hes a fetus.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
